Knowing When It's Right

The "We" Project

I am in a relationship that's actually happy and functional! It's a shocker! He wants me to change my sidebar about my bad luck in dating but it's not quite time for that. Even so, it is time to quit thinking about me and me alone. I'm dating a renter that would come over to my owned house when the next step happens. We've had some talks about where he would even fit in in my big old house. I've managed to fill alot of the space quite nicely myself and I don't share well! 

So after much thinking and a few projects here is my attempt at beginning the "we" shift. 

My bed is shoved far into the corner which gives me plenty of room for me and my night table, but doesn't leave any room for one on the other side. I thought about buying a table but just wanted something small, cheap, and cool looking. 

Lately I'm obsessed with this white lacquered wood collection from the Container Store. 

I have the tray and box on my bedside table:

I also replaced the 4 green boxes:

 With these. 

So when I saw this desktop file box that matched I immediately had an idea. THIS would be my other bedside table. I had just enough white lacquered wood in the room to make it not stand out as strange. Plus, my fresh white walls would keep it from sticking out. 

So, here she is:

 And, I got her on sale! Even better!

 I started my project by drilling two holes in the back of it. The back is not the same heavy wood, so I wasn't sure how it'd turn out, but it went well!

 Then I held it up to the wall and marked with a pencil the two holes once I had it leveled. Then I drilled! 

 I had plastic wall anchors that I tried to install, but they wouldn't open in my plaster. I ended up buying some toggle bolts and washers for either side of the wood back so that pressure wouldn't force the screws through the wood.

 After the toggle bolts went in this thing was up for good!

 Isn't it great? It's just a plain little table top with a cubby, but I knew once I dressed it up it would be perfect!

I may eventually paint the back to keep from seeing the washer and screws, but for now it is perfect!

 It's a little strange that it's so much higher than the other table, but I can't stand how low the table is. this one is perfect! 

 And, it doesn't stand out on the walk in!

 And, my boyfriend patiently waited while I installed and photographed...

In addition to my nightstand project I also was forced to make my bathroom more functional after a pipe under the sink completely disconnected while I was trying to unclog it. 

After my dad and brother took the whole thing apart they found all kinds of things down the drain. 

 One of the things was these stones, thanks to the cat! So, the stones had to go. 

 I figured I'd switch that out for something with a little more storage (oh and I got the white lacquered trash can too!) and added the basket with a tissue holder, a closed box for things like cotton balls and makeup sponges, and a glass jar with q-tips. Moving these things out of the drawer will help open up some room for someone else! 

 I also added a couple of baskets to the door of my coat closet (I'm adding 1 more for gloves, hats, etc.) for all of my flip flops, insoles, and so on to free up the floor (and by the way, this is the the best way to store flip flops EVER! I wish I'd done this years ago!).

 And, I freed up some pantry space by adding a door rack here. He's a wine connoisseur and suddenly I have way more than I ever did before!

 So there you have it. Thanks for coming along on my journey to free up space!

Who Will I Look Up and See?

The thing about working in a big city is that there are so many people that you often get lost in the shuffle and remain anonymous. Despite this, I've seen someone that I went to college with 10 (how has it been that long already!?!) years ago, and 5 people I fired back at the old top secret retailer in my store shopping. Anyone that's had my heart in the past decade lives in or near the city.

Every day I wonder who I'll look up and see. Right before things ended with my most recent guy we had gone out to eat. We went to a restaurant that was managed by someone he'd had a falling out with. The poor woman tried her hardest to look like she was having fun and didn't see us. I felt her pain and the entire thing was just horrible... So, I always wonder if that'll be me. Pretending I don't see them and that I'm having a great time! 

It reminds me of yet another Sex & the City episode where Carrie is walking down the streets of New York City and she runs into her ex Aidan, who's moved on and is married with a baby:

Does anyone else out there think about picking up and moving far far away where nobody knows your name? The whole idea is very un-Cheers theme song, but appealing. If I didn't love Chicago so much I'd consider it...

I Need to Throw the Stupid Thing Out Already!

I drink out of this silly thing about once a week 

I own mugs. I've had dark grey mugs years before the color was trendy. Then I got this thing. Not only did I get this thing but I got a Notre Dame pint glass, a stuffed dog holding a heart, and a tee shirt. Over a decade of dating and this is what I'm left with. Mismatched mugs and glasses... Yes, I've been nearly married to someone I dated for a year. Yes. I've been in love, now, twice. Yes this is all I have to show for it. I meet men that I know have amazing qualities deep down there. They show them in the beginning and something about Erin makes them say "ok now that I brought her this pint glass we're ok." "As long as I don't say the words 'Happy Birthday' I don't have to get her anything." 

I inspire laziness. It's disgusting and makes my insides twist up and prepare for tears. All of those deep down there qualities aren't nearly enough when all you get is a mug. I'm not even a needs gifts girl. Clearly. But I can't imagine someone thinking of me and bringing me flowers. Just because they like me. Or getting something not sold at Walgreens for my birthday. Or EVER getting a Christmas present from a man. And I don't know why some of the dreadful women I meet DO get those things. 

 Is anyone else out there sedimental in strange ways? Maybe it's my fashion background. I can't remember the words. I certainly can't remember the date. But I'll never forget the smells. The feels. The clothes I wore. How I felt in them. Even the underwear I wear when something big happens in my life.   I remember wearing this on my first dare with V.

 We saw a movie after dinner. He held my hand and I knew I'd be in love with him. I remember him coming over the night I'd gotten this shirt and perfume. 

Both were new. We broke up. I got so hot because I was sad, or crying or something. I had a blue cami underneath. I tossed this off. I remember thinking that I'd hate this perfume forever. It still reminds me of losing my best friend. I don't wear either perfume anymore but still keep them. 

 I remember wearing these sandals and perfume the whole summer with M. 

I wore this shirt on one of my favorite dates.

 I am wearing this dress in the M pic to the right. I also wore it on my first date with my most recent loss. 

I wore this perfume every time. I felt so pretty that first date night. It was last July and the weather was amazing. Every other guy would tell me how great I smelled. Maybe that's why I remember the perfumes. I never got that compliment with this one. And, It reminds me. So it'll go into my box of extra beauty stuff too. 

 Too transparent? I love this blog. It's like therapy. Or a journal. But, it's perminant. I have also been "outed" somewhat and people from my family, my friends, college, and my past jobs read this. Maybe even some of the guys I've talked about. Feelings are so much easier to talk about when  you're anonymous sometimes. Being a dork is easier too. That's my musing for now. I also think about the movie Runaway Bride where she eats her eggs differently with each guy. She'd lost herself that much that she changed with each guy. Is that me with my perfume and style? I hope not. Do the lost even know they are lost though? This is who I am these days. 

Philosophy lotion and wash replace perfume most days. I live in comfy jeans, soft tees, and ballet flats. I wonder if they will also be part of an ex memory pile someday...

I Want

And I really want him to buy me flowers and make me coffee in the mornings...

Don't Ever Ever Forget

9 Years (and 3 Days) Later

Today (as in 3 days ago when I started writing this post!) I was cleaning out my closets. Get excited for a stimulating post about that! I got to the top shelf of my guest bedroom closet and I found my Africa letters. How is it possible that one of the events that defined who I am happened almost 9 years ago?! 

See the "dear EJ" letter? I am a horrible person and am only fully realizing it now. That was from R. 

11 Things If You're NOT a Hopeless Romantic

I didn't write this. I don't know who did. I did read it here though and thought it was funny and a perfect contrast to yesterday's 11 things!

1. The nice men are ugly.

2. The handsome men are not nice.
3. The handsome and nice men are gay.
4. The handsome, nice, and straight men are married.
5. The men who are not so handsome but are nice, have no money.
6. The men who are not so handsome but are nice and have money, think we are only after their money.
7. The handsome men without money are after our money.
8. The handsome men who are not so nice and somewhat straight, don’t think we are beautiful enough.
9. The men who think we are beautiful, are straight, somewhat nice and have no money, are cowards.
10. The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice, have money and thank God are straight, are shy and NEVER MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!!!
11. The men who never make the first move, automatically lose interest in us when we take the initiative.

11 Things If You're a Hopeless Romantic...

I am the most hopelessly romantic person imaginable. I didn't cry for years. Even at funerals. I didn't ever care about falling in love or getting married. Then I fell in love... When that relationship ended I cried. We both did when we decided there was no point in continuing since we both wouldn't compromise on something really important. Anchor Man was on TV in the background. Somehow it's still one of my favorite movies despite the horrific breakup that happened while Baxter was being punted! I fell apart while we were sitting on the couch, starting at each other, and shaking our heads at what had happened. I let myself (or couldn't stop myself) cry in front of someone other than my immediate family for the first time. He held me while I destroyed his shirt with tears and mascara and eventually left with a kiss on my forehead and it was over. Our last date ended the same as our first and I was alone. I cried in the shower. I cried in bed. I cried in the car. I cried for at least six months straight! Then I finally started to get over it. But, with all of this crying sappy Erin was born. Floodgates were opened that couldn't be closed. I understood love and all of the sudden cheesy movies made sense! Happy endings were amazing! Since then I became the typical girl that formerly hard-as-nails Erin used to hate! I had so many people in my life tell me how I softened after that. People from college, my family, even my boss. Soft = Sap! I mostly hate it. Now I have all of these emotions looming under the surface all of the time. I kind of liked being dead inside! If I get pulled over I cry. If I see an Onstar commercial I cry. I have become my mother.

There's really no purpose to this post. I have an almost finished project to reveal and I'll post thats soon. I'm nervous about starting my new job tomorrow. So I'm posting mindless stuff tonight. Because I can and it's my blog! Here's a pile of sappy movie quotes and clips because this is me:

Today I watched When Harry Met Sally. It's up there as one of the most amazing movies of all time. Did you know the term "high maintenance" (when referring to a woman) was born from that movie? 

Some of my favorite quotes are:

Sally: He just met her... She's supposed to be his transitional person, she's not supposed to be the ONE. All this time I thought he didn't want to get married. But, the truth is, he didn't want to marry me. He didn't love me.

Harry: If you could take him back now, would you?
Sally: No. But why didn't he want to marry me? What's the matter with me?
Harry: Nothing.
Sally: I'm difficult.
Harry: You're challenging.Sally: I'm too structured, I'm completely closed off.
Harry: But in a good way.
Sally: No, no, no, I drove him away. AND, I'm gonna be forty.
Harry: When?
Sally: Someday.
Harry: In eight years.
Sally: But it's there. It's just sitting there, like some big dead end. And it's not the same for men. Charlie Chaplin had kids when he was 73.
Harry: Yeah, but he was too old to pick them up. 

Marie: Tell me I'll never have to be out there again.

Jess: You'll never have to be out there again. 

Harry Burns: There are two kinds of women: high maintenance and low maintenance.

Sally Albright: Which one am I?
Harry Burns: You're the worst kind; you're high maintenance but you think you're low maintenance.
Sally Albright: I don't see that.
Harry Burns: You don't see that? Waiter, I'll begin with a house salad, but I don't want the regular dressing. I'll have the balsamic vinegar and oil, but on the side. And then the salmon with the mustard sauce, but I want the mustard sauce on the side. "On the side" is a very big thing for you.
Sally Albright: Well, I just want it the way I want it.
Harry Burns: I know; high maintenance. 

This movie has one of the best endings ever that makes every single woman hopeful on New Year's Eve and one of the best movie quotes ever:

Another great movie quote is a simple one and a line more men should be in the habit of using! "As you wish" which is why Princess Bride is another sap favorite:

Every woman wants a man that is willing to do something over the top to show they care. The ending of The Wedding Singer is a great one because of that. I also love it because if she'd have married Glen her name would've been Julia Goolia :-)

Speaking of over the top gestures... Here's another amazing one:

I couldn't leave out my favorite movie of all time. a) Donna Reed is gorgeous. b) I think these two are such a great couple and I love their love story in the movie:

How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days is another movie high on my list. It makes me want to run out and date a man with a motorcycle just so he can teach me to ride and we can get splashed with mud:

My Fair Lady is another favorite. While Henry Higgins is a big jerk I do love how he softens and realizes he's fallen in love with her:

And can you believe we don't even know the Prince's name in Cinderella? I found this on Pinterest and think it's hysterical:

Nevertheless, I of course love the movie:

Sticking with the Cinderella theme, here's another amazing one. Even though I know she's a prostitute, who doesn't fall in love with the whole thing when they're in the elevator and she says "If I forget to tell you later, I had a really good time tonight?"

Who doesn't love a man that shares his food?

And (sigh) the Notebook. After I'm done motorcycling and getting free necklaces and custom made songs from my man I want to go boating in the rain and fight about how our relationship isn't over yet. Oh. My. Goodness:

I hope you enjoyed my purposeless, sappy, post! Wish me luck as I return to the crazy world of retail tomorrow!

The One Where I Admit I Can't Drive

I'm a bad driver and I have bad luck (if there is such a thing). I just need to put that out there. I some how seem to date the jerks. I also find them on the road. Or... They find me!

Two weeks ago I had an accident on my way to get paint for this project. I just got my car back and thought I would fill you in on the massive experience I have in this department! 

Let's start at the beginning. 

This (on the left) is H.

H is my cousin and child-hood best friend. We did everything together, including driving school. We had to be in a car with a 3 fingered shop teacher/driver's ed instructor and Ed. Ed took us up and down curbs like nobody else could! He was so bad! We were good! If you got some certain super-high score on your final driving test you somehow got to skip taking the test at the DMV and just got to go in and get your license. I swear. I was one of the elite few that got to do this. 

I was successful.

I was confident.

I was a great driver!

I was so great the DMV just handed me my license!

Three months later I was the one that did this to my dad's car: 

and this to my forehead:

Telling Lies & Playing Games

Today I was thinking a lot about playing games. It's a bad idea and should be avoided right? Same thing with telling lies. Lies are always bad.

But, doesn't everyone do both? 

This is me and my momma on my very first day. Everyone starts out as this clean, pure little person. You cry without abandon

(I've always been a little on the emotional side!)

 and do whatever it takes to be comfortable. You get a few years older and you are trained to understand limits like "yes" and "no" but still don't have much self-awareness.

You run around in your underwear (yep that's me again!) and do whatever is fun and feels good at the time. Then somebody makes you feel like that's not ok:

Then you realize you have to play games. You can't just run around in your underwear everywhere and cry whenever you feel like crying. You have to pretend. Or sit on the nerdy side of the lunch room.

(From my very high maintenance days before going away to college!)

You have to put on makeup, and pretend you don't know the good things about you are good (or you're cocky) or the bad things about you are bad (or you have low self esteem).

It's a lot of work and learning how to do that take up most of your teen years! This might sound like only a girl problem. Maybe during the teen years it is... I don't know! 

Then there's dating. I think people that meet in grade school and only date each other and eventually get married are so lucky! 

(Ok so Kevin and Winnie didn't end up together. But they should've!)

But for those of us who aren't as lucky there are walls. Walls that you put up for only the one to take down. With that person you won't play games. With that person there won't be a rule about how soon is too soon to call after a first date, when the first kiss should be, how soon to meet the parents, who says I love you first, etc. You'll just know and you just won't have to bother with all of that.

But how do you know? How do you not take down the walls for the wrong person and get your heart broken? 

Here's a super funny video about the games people (in this video women) play while dating:

Tell Him

When you date you can't just put everything out there right away. If I went on a first date and admitted that no matter how much weight I lose I'll never have tiny little thighs, that I love all things trash TV but also could not leave the house for two solid days because I'm reading a good book, that I have scars all over my body from MRSA, that sometimes I like trying new things but often get stuck in a rut, that I can be a really emotional person, and that I blog about my dating life I wouldn't have a second date with that guy! If I called him on my way home to say I had had so much fun I'd be labeled desperate. There are so many dumb rules. Some people might say that they hate rules, but they have them too! This is dating. 

Then there's Secret Single Behavior. Secret Single Behavior was a term given to us by good old Sex and the City in season 4 during the "Good Fight" episode. The girls explain that living with men cramps their secret single behavior. Charlotte loves staring at her pores for hours in front of a magnifying mirror. Miranda puts vaseline on her hands, puts them in gloves, and watches infomercials for hours. Carrie puts grape jelly on saltines and reads fashion magazines naked in the kitchen. Men have this too:

We're all dorks. Everyone out there is pretending in some way or another. We all have done something like this (or maybe me and the writer of this movie are the only ones):

But we all play games and pretend we're not! 

Supposedly when I meet the one that walls and games won't matter? One of my exes got engaged on Saturday. He was the most uptight person in the universe. Somehow he let the walls down enough to find the right person? Why now vs. back when I knew him? Is it me? Is it timing? It all makes me very confused.

I take comfort in the fact that Stephen Hawking, a brilliant mind, said this week that one of the biggest unsolved mysteries of the universe to him is women. We're all just a big game playing mystery to each other aren't we? 

I for one would like it to stop. I want to be a big dork that can roam around in just my underwear, cry when I want to, and say I love you when I feel like it. Maybe you'll join me? If more people do it maybe that will become the cool thing to do!

On Turning 28

Last year I had a little melt down. I'm pretty sure it was a 1/3 of the way through life freak-out. Being 28 is more comfortable. There's something about looking a deadline in the face and missing it that makes the whole thing a lot less stressful! Nearly dying, changing jobs, and relationships helps shake things up and mellow you out a bit too! 

I'm 28, I'm alive, and my world hasn't fallen apart because I didn't reach all of my goals! To that I say:

Happy Birthday to me! 

Everything On My Brain

I just synced my iPhone and realized I've got lots of pictures (which tell lots of stories) on there!

I've been having some "me" time since my most recent break up. This is me leaving my massage with a big table crease on my head!

I LOVE my french doors:

 I'm really atrocious at lawn care:

I bought something else from my furniture wish list. This one was taped off in my "Planning for new furniture" post. It's hard to tell what it is from the skinny little box huh? 

Here is the beauty:

Isn't the coffee table lovely? The rug was being cleaned. And the poor old table is by the front door. My baby brother that bought the house took it to live with him. RIP my first piece of furniture!

So that, ladies and gentleman, is what's new in my life. A lot of "me" time. Ugh I hate it. I'm ready for my days to be filled with more than just me!