Saturday, April 20, 2013

My Last First Date (part 1)

I found "the one."

I can't believe it either. It's time to change the sidebar! I'm going to tell you the whole long sappy story...
It starts last April. Far before I met him. My cousin H and I have this eternally long email chain going. We were both going through hard times. She wanted a healthy baby and I wanted to stop dating jerks and find my husband. We made a pact to pray for each other and vowed that we would appreciate our babies and husbands. It seemed unfair that so many people had both effortlessly, but we would love ours and be glad for the work it took to get there. Flash to this April. She just had a healthy baby girl and I've found myself with a non-jerk soon to be husband. 

God is good!

So now the story of how I became we... Last April my previous relationship ended a few days in to my new job. I felt hopeless. I felt a desperation. I was so disgusted at who I was. I hated looking in the mirror. I felt like I didn't deserve to be loved and I didn't deserve someone being faithful to me. I just plain gave up. I was incredibly lonely and angry that my job took up so much time that I could've spent home alone wallowing in misery. I wished cars would cross the median and hit me, and all kinds of other sad things. I just was over it all. My mom was over me being over it all. She asked if I'd be open for a fix up. I said "whatever. At least it's a free meal." Fortunately she didn't know anyone my age that was single! But she kept looking. That summer she found out about Artie. Artie Van-ryhmeswithmyfirstname (it wouldn't be right to say his full name, but you can figure it out). The only name I've ever come up with that would give me a name like Julia Gulia in the Wedding Singer! She didn't know Artie. He was someone at church's son's brother in law. For real. Artie the atheist. I was told he was a promising young individual who seemed like he might be attractive. I was shown a picture. He appeared quite... bearded. Still, seriously I did. not. even. care. one. little. bit. Whatever. I said "sure, give Artie the atheist my number. It's free food." Except even when she did he never called. Talk about a blow to the ego. A few months passed and my outlook became a little less dark. I had resolved that I was going to stay single. I was quite happy with it. I would probably never be a mother, but I would be a fun aunt. I was fine and good. I heard a great sermon on it at church. I was set. Then one day I was at my brother's folding his laundry while he played video games when my phone rang. I was expecting Comcast later on, so I uncharacteristically answered a number I didn't recognize. It was Artie. Very long story short, Artie turned out to be quite the racist woodsman that invited me to the bar to watch football and talk about dove hunting. No exaggeration. NONE. I told him I had to go but I'd let him know. I called my mom and broke down. Was she that unhappy with who I was alone that this is what I had been reduced to? Why couldn't I just be happy? What was so wrong with being single. I was finally happy. She told me I was enough but all of my words about being lonely didn't mesh with my Artie shunning actions. I pled with her "If I go online and really really really try to find somebody can you not make me go out with Artie?" 
Get it? When doves cry?!

So, I signed up for match.com...

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