Monday, April 9, 2012

The One Where I Admit I Can't Drive

I'm a bad driver and I have bad luck (if there is such a thing). I just need to put that out there. I some how seem to date the jerks. I also find them on the road. Or... They find me!

Two weeks ago I had an accident on my way to get paint for this project. I just got my car back and thought I would fill you in on the massive experience I have in this department! 

Let's start at the beginning. 
This (on the left) is H.
H is my cousin and child-hood best friend. We did everything together, including driving school. We had to be in a car with a 3 fingered shop teacher/driver's ed instructor and Ed. Ed took us up and down curbs like nobody else could! He was so bad! We were good! If you got some certain super-high score on your final driving test you somehow got to skip taking the test at the DMV and just got to go in and get your license. I swear. I was one of the elite few that got to do this. 
I was successful.
I was confident.
I was a great driver!
I was so great the DMV just handed me my license!

Three months later I was the one that did this to my dad's car: 
and this to my forehead:

I didn't have much expressway driving experience. I was supposed to pick my parents up from the airport. The trip required no expressway driving... Except I accentually got on it! I totally freaked out. I got hit. My dad's car got totaled. My dad (a fireman)'s fire boots and equipment was scattered all over the side of the road. My parents thought I forgot to pick them up and hopped in a cab and drove past the accident and saw my dad's stuff scattered all over. I was in shock. A truck driver pulled his semi over after the accident and told me to get into it. I was getting in when a good Samaritan pulled me back out and made me wait for paramedics and the trucker took off... I got all stitched up, my face looked interesting for awhile, and my dad did not have a car. Ugh. 

Then I got the Achieva. We were friends. It went really fast! It was also my first car! I worked as a babysitter and later a nanny. The kids' dad drove like a maniac. One day he came back in the house right after leaving to tell me he'd backed into my car and did this:
 He paid cash for it to get taken care of and it was all good. 

I moved away to college and my parents were ridiculous (sorry mom and dad- you were!) my freshman year. I wasn't allowed to have a TV or my car. In fact, my brother got my car that I'd paid for!!!! I'm still irritated about that! I think he took over the insurance payments or something.When I moved back for the summer the Achieva was mine again! I was always an over-achiever in school. I was taking college classes during the summer at the community college. I was driving home after Macroeconomics. I was one street away when some guy ran a red light and did this to my car:

He tried to lie and say I'd run the red light. But I had a witness and won!! I was then carless. I went away to Africa and my insurance money was paid out. My parents went shopping for a new car for me. 
I can't find the picture but am still trying. I came home to a cute gold Saturn with a sunroof (still one of my favorite things!) and a red bow on it. This is the only proof I have of the Saturn. Good, old, Lindy:
The Saturn did go away with me to college my sophomore year. There someone hit someone, who then hit me, at a light. I had very little damage to my car. The person who caused the accident ran. The police saw my car and decided it wasn't report worthy. The girl who hit me somehow convinced me to skip my class though and stay there and wait while she filed the police report and while her parents drove from out of state to come survey the damage. Weird. The Saturn didn't get totaled like the other two cars though... Success!!!!

I got my full time position with the top-secret retailer my senior year of college. As soon as I had money in my hands I wanted to spend it! 
I bought a brand new Honda CRV. Here it is at my parents' house.  
I loved it, but hated when my parents and all of their friends got the same car... 
I lived in Indiana for a bit. One year there were major floods. I lived further from the store than most of my managers, but they refused to come in to work because of the water. Being the store manager, you risk your life... I forded the flood water with the CRV. I thought I won! A month later it started making horrible noises when I turned. My dad crawled under it and literally came out with seaweed. The water had damaged the car. I decided to trade it in before it got too bad.

Then I got the Passat. I loved the Passat. I hated the guys that serviced it and the maintenance fees! 
 One Sunday after church I was backing out when a man and his son got into their pick up truck and he immediately backed up without looking. I slammed on my horn and breaks but he still got me. I would love to give you his full name so you could call him and give him a piece of your mind since he was a dirt bag... but I won't! He told me he'd pay for it. Then his wife called me and told me that I was rich, single, and spoiled and they were a starving family (who I Facebook stalked and discovered have season tickets to the Bears) that shouldn't have to pay for my accident that I caused. Only after I brought in the church and my witness did things change. They still deducted the cost of postage from the final check. But it got fixed. 
Then I was driving with my daddio. We were looking for mattresses for my amazing bed. I'd just bought the bed and mattresses and was on the way home when an old man got confused about where he was and ran a stop sign and jacked up my car bad! It was a car full of old people and it was very sad. Everyone was ok and he admitted full liability. I got my car fixed, back, and loved it. The fees finally got to me and I got my Kia.

This is the first accident I've ever been to blame for. I was heading into Home Depot and a man pulled out in front of me. I tried to get around him and this was the result:
Yikes huh? He wanted to flee the scene, but I stopped him by stepping in front of his car and taking pictures of his plates like a lunatic. We then drove to the police station together to file a report since people wouldn't stop honking and screaming for us to move. Everything was fine and good until this guy walked in (old sitter in blue):
He got very close to me and started questioning me by asking questions like "so what do you think you were doing young lady? What do you have to say for yourself? This is quite pathetic isn't it? You like to waste people's time?" Finally he had me bawling in the station and the man I'd come in with told me the interrogator was his father and it was his father's car. He finally had to take his dad outside because he would not stop questioning/yelling at me and I wouldn't stop crying like a wimp. Finally, statements were taken, it came out that his son was the one blocking 2.5 lanes of traffic, and I wasn't attempting to hit and run, and his angry dad calmed down. He apologized to me and gave me a hug. 
In parting he said "your father is sure going to be angry with what you did to his car" to which I responded "Sir, I'm a 28 year old woman who owns that car, has a job, and a house." He then admitted I was more mature than his twice-my-age son and that he thought I was a 16 year old kid (a compliment I guess?!) and we parted ways.

This, ladies and gentlemen is the history of my driving. I contemplate selling the Kia now and wonder what adventures my next car will hold... Stay tuned! 

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